woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
well most of my day revolves around power hour
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
