im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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