That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
