Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
