I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
