FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
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You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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