I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
