I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
