just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
