DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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