Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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