Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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