did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
