whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
