whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
