My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
