I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
