oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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