so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
