you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
