If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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