Porn is love you can see.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
