he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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