please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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