I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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