Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
