Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
