Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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