I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
