Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
