I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
