The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
