apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
