Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
