I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
