Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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