We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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