I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize