I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
