I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
