I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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