My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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