My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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