Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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