Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
