Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
