he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
