i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
