ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
