When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
