Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
