I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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