Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize