You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
