There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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