Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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