I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize