The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
