Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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