I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
