smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
