tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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