i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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