im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
