you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
